Friday, February 03, 2006

john and other random thoughts

So here I am @ work yet again, this is really the only time I get to write in here. It should be called my work blogger! Anyway, I also figured out that I can't write what im really feeling in my myspace blogs cause everyone reads them. I like for ppl to read them, but not for john to read them! I love him to death, there's just some things i need to say without him reading them! With that said...

I love john to death but im afraid of what him and i are becoming, really i am. He always wants to hang out with me and when we dont i know he gets sad. I hate that so i feel obligated to hang with him. Its funny cause now i know how i was treating kaley when i always got sad if she was with anyone else or just without me. Im so sorry for that! So i really dont know what to do. If i tell him how i feel he might take it the wrong way and not wanna hang out or it'll be awkward when we hang out again. The last thing i wanna do is hurt his feelings! Believe me!

So take last night as an example, almost every night we workout after work until about 7ish. Usually we get done, i go home and have dinner and then drive to his place to hang out. Im getting a little tired of that cuz ya see, he cant drive anywhere other than work cuz he owes him mom through the nose money for his car and has to pay her off b4 he can drive again. suck!!! So last night i didnt want to hang out, i even had to tell him i had plans with someone else just to get him off my back. You know what i did last night? I went to bed at 8:30, ya thats right. 8:30. didnt hang out with anyone but myself and charlie. I just feel like its too much! And kaley, if you ever read this, i totally know what you were feeling with me and im sorry to the bottom of my toes. You are so right, i had so much to learn and im glad you broke up with me in a strange way. I would prolly have never grown up in that sense, so thanks.

So what do I do? Okay so here's something else to throw into the mix.


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